Ahhh...The Holi Days of Hell

That's right, if you're rich you flaunt it, if you're poor you hide it and if you're in between you carol about it. Frankly these Holidays come and go so damn fast I cant stay caught up. I swear Christmas feels like it was just 6 months ago! Christmas to me was a joyous occassion, a time of antisipation and glee, then I grew up! Turns out its no longer about the holi-est of days but a way for stores to rid old merchandise from the previous year and sell it for a higher price. Forcing people who can't figure out what to get their neighbors and end up giving them the old yule tide "FRUIT CAKE". Barf-o-matic. Fruit cake is disgusting, who do you know that actually eats this crap? Seriously was a baker short on his last bread dough, and saw some old dried up fruit on the counter and said " Oh yummy maybe somebody will buy it!" Seriously is this guy still alive cause he should be shot!

The roads are jammed, stores are packed, kids are begging, and parents are losing their hair by the minute. Your dogs rush around daze and confused cause theirs a freaking tree in the house yet their not allowed to pee on it. The house is trimmed but the lights keep shorting out and mom's in the kitchen screaming at the cat to get off the counter, and when it does their a flour path to the catbox. Such joy!

Meanwhile the postman, garbage people, and UPS who are at your house all month long either picking up or leaving packages are hoping you'll leave them a nice tip. If you dont the following month you dont recieve your mail, your garbage is scattered across the road and the UPS guy drops a few fragile packages along the way.

Oh and joy, "Aunt cant remember her name", nor does she these days has just informed you she'll be staying an extra week. Your pregnancy test is positive, your husband suddenly "CAN" remember to put the dishes in the dishwasher, and your kids are keeping their rooms clean. Now you know time is near. You sneak out the back and step in dog poop just to have a smoke and glass of sherry to hear something shatter all over your nice clean floor.

Your youngest comes out, and asks "Mommy are you okay?" You reply in kind and say yes but meanwhile your childs beaming eyes just reminded you , YOU FORGOT to pick up the Santa Suit at the costume shop. You drop the cig, throw the sherry, grab your keys and purse, flying by everyone yelling "I'll be right back" and jump in the van. You dash like prancer to and fro, wishing the lights would just go with the flo. You hear a siren from the back but rush ahead cause its nearly 9 o'clock. The shop is closed and you in despair, but the cop says "You know my brother owns this shop". With glee in your eyes and suit in hand the cop places the ticket on your van.

On your way home, a last minute thought occurs you forgot the jellied cranberry sause.
You rush into the store and grab a few cans, meanwhile theirs a burgulary in progress. You drop to the floor and slide to the register pay with your card and creep out the door. The S.W.A.T. teams screams "Hold your fire!" as you pee your pants. Wet and cold you drive home exhausted and cry from the stress. You carry all to the door, in hopes just maybe everyones gone to bed. You slowly turn the key and lo and behold your husband has invited the whole neighborhood over for cookies and hot totties. You try to smile and shake your head, when off in the distance your fire alarm goes off cause someone FORGOT THE YAMS!

Now, Its 6am and time to stuff the turkey, prepare the dinner to serve. Relatives arrive asking to help but thats a fright, you manage it all and hear the kids opening their presents, and laughter consumes the room, everyones happy and you look like roadkill but havent a clue. 3 o 'clock finally arrives, the table is set, all sit down. The setting is perfect and ready to eat. When your cat comes flying out chasing a mouse across your gorgeous dining table. Food flys, dishes break, and "OH GOOD LORD THE APPLE PIE! screams grandma who's half baked"
With your eyes the size of sausers you look at your husband and begin to laugh, cause in just 12 months you have to do it all again!

And you do all this for Christ who was born this day?
HOGWASH!

[This is just my way of saying don't forget what the true meaning of Christmas is all about and I wish everyone Happy Holidays and A Very
Merry Christmas Everyone!]